And so it begins

On our way home from our 1.5 day trip the Bishop called Clark's cell phone as we were just leaving Payson. I had to answer because Clark needed to focus on the windy roads. He wanted to see Clark today and I told him he might be able to once we get into town. From that second I knew what it was....Primary President. I told Clark my worries and he said, "He could be just wanting to see me. Want to know what's going on with this certain family who is becoming active again." It comforted me a little...ok honestly it didn't help at all.

We dropped the kids off at the in laws, another thing they did for us, so I could go to a photo shoot and Clark could go to his shift with Tempe Police. We headed home. A home I left a MESS!! When I left at 4 am a day ago I didn't care, I wasn't going to clean the house. Now the Bishop was coming over, oh great. Clark said we could just throw everything behind our half wall, hahaha. I loved his idea and was thinking how we would do it. I knew the dishes were stacked though and that you can't hide.

We pulled up to a new door handle, so the thought of being able to bring him through the front door and not the laundry room door was a HUGE comfort. Bob had installed a new one for us and I LOVE it. Well, we came inside to perfectly cleaned, dished done, bathrooms scrubbed, floors mopped, you name it all. I first felt embarrassed. "They saw what?!?" I mean our bedroom was cleaned and I don't even touch it because I just worry about the front. (Don't judge me please) Everything was wonderful. I then felt so thankful, one less...ok several things that I didn't have to do. It was done for me. Julie had caught up all our laundry!! That was a task in of itself! I had so many emotions, it's all coming back to me as I write this.

I felt tired and worn out from the car ride and trip. I felt rushed from trying to get ready to go to my photo shoot. I felt embarrassed that they had seen my home the way it was. I felt thankful things were done. I felt scared and nervous for why the Bishop was coming to see Clark. I was just so much and I felt overwhelmed. Instead of throwing things behind the half wall like we planned to do I was able to shower and get a little more decent for the shoot.

The Bishop came over and at first Clark and him spoke. He then said might as well have Kelsey join us. I knew this was coming, in a small way. I thought I would be called to the next presidency but never, ever thought I would be the president. He then came out and said it. I didn't know what I was feeling at that point. I told Bishop that I never say no to a calling, that the Lord wants us where he wants us and we shouldn't deny him (personal feelings here people) but I said before I say yes let me say a few things. I cried, opened my heart and told him how I don't have qualities a president needs to have. I got it all off my chest and then accepted the calling knowing the Lord would help me. He said "ok, look at the ward list, pray and come up with names for your presidency." And off he went.

Headed to my shoot not focused and scared that it would affect my work, it didn't. It was perfect because once I got shooting I was able to get my mind off everything!! I love photography! Took one of my favorite pictures during this shoot, maybe the Lord was already with me.

Well, the next few days were so hard. I have Never in all my life felt so much anxiety yet have so much peace. I felt the Lord, he was answering my prayers and was with me but I felt timid, scared, overwhelmed, etc. I prayed the hardest I have ever prayed, I told him if he wanted me to do this I needed all his help!

We will skip all the extra anxiety that came from 2 Bishopric meetings being cancelled and not telling me so I worried about the names I submitted not being ok. Haha. I have lost so much sleep, I wasn't eating, it was consuming my every thought and every minute.

Thursday night came and things began to move, the names were accepted and now they just needed to extend the calling. I worried how these women could follow me, as a leader. How I could do it. I have the best women serving with me and I am so thankful that Heavenly Father guided me in my decision to have them in the presidency. It was all him.

Sunday finally came and the peace finally set in. I can do this, with his help. With the help of my counselors and secretary. But only with all their help. I love Primary and I am thankful I get to serve the children. I am thankful for all that Rebecca has taught me, what she has done for Primary. She is such a huge reason I can even think of taking this on.

Most importantly I am thankful for the opportunity I have, we all have, to serve our Lord. To serve those around us and to be blessed for it. I pray everyday for the strength to be what those children need me to be, for what my counselors and secretary need me to be, and for the Lord wants me to be.

Sorry for the long post but since my blog is private and my journal I felt like I needed to write these things down and maybe someone would gain something from this. That God answers prayers, that he doesn't give us things we can't do, that he loves us, He wants us to serve and serve with a humble heart, that we are all in this together, that he provides the peace that medicine can't.

So, here is to a wonderful learning experience in my future!! Pray for me!